Suppertime at the Urness House

From suppertime on Friday to late into Sunday evening there is a weekly gathering a “party” if you will at my parents’ house. Our big grey house on the outskirts of town is always packed to bursting. Friends, family, and community members can tell if the Urness family is home based on whether or not there are a plethora of cars or farm equipment parked out front of our home. The motto seems to be “if the lights are on, come on in!”.

This tradition is as old as the Urness family in Cooperstown, ND for sure. My great-grandpa Carl would have weekly card parties on the homestead he received during the Land-Grab Act. (My brother currently lives in the same house. I grew up there as well.) My grandparents, Edward and Julianne, were known for hosting friends every Sunday after church and often on Saturday night as well. Nine years ago, the baton was passed to my parents.

A typical weekend involves at least two but often three or four large gatherings of people around a table of something that smells and tastes amazing. The meals usually consist of slabs of prime rib, vats of pasta or soup, giant ham roasts, or something off of the grill. Side dishes range from mashed potatoes and gravy to candied carrots to green beans with cheese and more. My mom’s unique addition to the ever rotating stream of meals is a lettuce salad. For dessert, chocolate pudding, homemade ice cream, crème brulee, and white cake with peanut butter frosting are staples. The first and last ingredient in any good recipe is usually butter.

However, it is not the food that makes this weekly experience so unique (although Mom is a fantastic cook!); it is the atmosphere and the people. A typical gathering will start with people trickling through the door at about 3:00 PM. Once they arrive, the adults are offered a whiskey-coke to drink. Cards are usually the entertainment of choice for the afternoon for the guests while my mom is starting supper. These gatherings usually involve anywhere from ten to forty-five people (our current record). The guests range from newborn babies to the elderly, family to people new to the community, and people to pets (anywhere from three to six dogs). No matter the number of attendees, the house is always ringing with conversations, dogs barking, and kids playing. (We actually installed noise absorbing foam into the ceiling to reduce the decibel level.) Common topics of conversation include the weather (I come from a long line of farmers), crop prices, random trivia, the week of every individual, and the community.

As the gathering size increases, so does the size of the table where we eat and visit. This table was one of the first pieces of furniture my parents purchases when they were first married (that makes it 33 years old). The table is solid oak and light brown in finish. It can extend to seat sixteen people. As needed, we add card tables around the house with folding chairs to provide more space.  The plates we use are black and chipped; they have lived a full life.

Suppertime begins with a holler that “dinner is ready” to quiet everyone down. Next, table grace is said. Finally, people begin filing past the counter where all the food, plates, and utensils are laid out. The act of eating does not lessen the flood of conversation. After everyone is stuffed, the food is cleaned up and the festivities begin again with people beginning to trickle out around 10:00 PM (if the next day is a weekday).

This weekly eating experience may seem foreign or extreme to many. It was once a common occurrence across the United States in not the globe to eat meals together as a family. Now, families are smaller and not as close (either geographically or emotionally). Technology has replaced the face-to-face interaction of the past.

Anthropologically, there are some interesting observations to be made. Gender roles are clearly apparent at this gathering. Women make the food and clean up. Men only cook when it involves a grill. There is always meat at the meal. Usually, the meat is some form of pork or beef. This is because it is readily available as we ranch beef cattle and butcher our own pigs. If you find this event interesting (from any standpoint) and happen to be in Cooperstown, North Dakota, you would be more than welcome to come over for supper!